He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No subtext here. People are naked.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
