he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
