dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
