haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Your dad touched me again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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