You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
