careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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