So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
