the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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