hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
