i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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