So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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