well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
