why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
