Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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