Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize