What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
