so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
