Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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