they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
