He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
