The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
