I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
