Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
