The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize