I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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