we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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