If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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