I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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