Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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