My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
