This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
