Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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