naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
