i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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