I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
