and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
