Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
