I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
