I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize