Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
