I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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