your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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