The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
