I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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