erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You've changed since you got that strap on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
