Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
