She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
