The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
