he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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