The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
