I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
