so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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