is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
