It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize