There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
