i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
