There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
