my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
