I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
